House of Kip

I Must be Looking Good!

2006-11-28T10:29:00.000-06:00

So thanksgiving went down with out a hitch. Dominic’s made up a good ass turkey and mom liked the sauce.

Something I wanted to mention... I've been pumping iron lately. I mean I'm really hitting the gym and my guns are starting to impress the ladies.

Case in point, while eating turkey with momz; momz turned to me and said, "Kippy... I'm worried about you." I said "why, momz?" Mom's said, "Can I ask you something?" "Sure, momz... shoot." That's when she gave me the ego boost of a life time. Momz asked the big question...

"Kippy, are you on steroids?"

I was like, "no... your crazy. Keep drinking." But in my mind I was like, "Damn... the gym is paying off. I look good."

Anyway, the next day, still filled with confidence... I got up early to go to the gym. While there I made sure to give an extra big smile to all the fine ladys. Hells yeah.

Big Kip Out!

Turkey Day = Mom Getting Sauced

2006-11-22T10:30:00.000-06:00

So I'm looking forward to thanksgiving... the turkey, the stuffing, and the mashed potatoes! And the best thing is I don't have to do anything but show up and eat. Total Score! Thanksgiving almost makes the early American settlers giving smallpox infected blankets to the Native Americans worth it. Not really, but you know what saying. Turkey day = good.

So, Mom did her part... she already ordered the Dominick's boxed Thanksgiving dinner, which includes: fully cooked turkey plus stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, dinner rolls and pumpkin pie! I can't wait.

Now I gotta do my part... buy my mom her sauce. Not cranberry sauce, not blueberry sauce... nothin but the best grade A booze for momz! So what does momz drink? The classiest of all sauces, Seagram's Seven Crown Royal!!! Smooth and Delish'.

I'm getting the big bottle.

She loves that stuff and I remember fond memories from childhood associated with it. For example, I used to keep marbles in the Crown Royal bag.

And mom used to fall asleep on the sofa during the 6 o'clock news sipping her Manhattan. That's when I'd play with matches.

But now, Seagram's has just become family ritual for the holidays. That's why I say, Turkey Day = Mom Getting Sauced

I'll be having a beer.

Kip Out for da Holiday!

Tags: Turkey Day, Mom, Getting Sauced, thanksgiving, sauce, Momz, childhood, Seagram's, Seven Crown, Royal, Bag, Manhattan, family ritual, holidays, beer, Kip

Stud Pad

2006-10-25T23:13:00.000-05:00

Yeah, sorry I haven't posted in awhile. After Momz moved then I had to move too. It was a lot of moving. But now the move is done. I'm officially not living with my mom and I now have a new "stud pad".

I expect to be pulling all kinds of ass very soon. Hot babe ass.

Right now, however, I need to go to sleep on the floor of my one room apartment. I know... what are you doing sleeping on the floor. Well don't worry I'm saving up for a really sweet bed... a stud bed!

But until I get my new bed I have a temporary solution. I'm sleeping on one of these...

It's just as good as a bed so flick off if you wanna joke me.

Kip out.

Tags: kip, bed, momz, raft, stud, apartment

Momz Moving Day

2006-07-20T19:05:00.000-05:00

It's been fun but all weird living arrangements must come to and end. Tomorrow I move my mom to her new apartment. No more living together. I can finally spank it in private. I'm kidding... maybe.

But, her new spot is pretty sweet. She's in a fancy downtown high rise. I'm gonna call her fancy momz from now on. The apartment overlooks the pool. I think she's getting set up pretty nice. I gotta thank my Godparents for the hook up. God bless the God folks!

I'm renting a truck and moving her single handedly in the morning. I'm doing it solo because I'm just that cool. No the truth is I've recruited my friends to help move my mom and myself so many times in the past that I just can't bring myself to do it any more. So it's on me.

Anyway, she's right on the lake front here in "crazy weather" Chicago. And hopefully in a few months I'll be moving that way too. Not to the fancy shmancy high rise neighborhood downtown but to a more moderately priced one a few miles north. It'll be cool. I can just jump on the bike path or grab one bus and get to my momz new place easily. You know, like when I need stew or special mom tostadas.

I'm not really looking forward to moving all this old lady stuff tomorrow. It all kinda smells funky. But it's for the best. Momz and me love each other but at the same time we can't stand each other. I'm sure there are some of you out there that can relate.

Kip, Out.

Mom + Napkins = Me Go Crazy

2006-07-17T18:09:00.000-05:00

I swear I'm gonna flip out. I just can't handle it any more. I feel like I'm about to have a catastrophic fit on the same scale as this guy...

WTF is wrong with my mom? It's like a neurosis of the brain or something. She puts paper towels everywhere! She could single handedly be responsible for the destruction of the rainforest...

Yeah, my mom did that! No Sh!t... I gotta get a camera to document this. She sets out napkins to place her drink on, to place her plate of food on, to place her TV remote control on, and even to sit on. When she makes dinner she sets everything on napkins on the table and then tears off two napkins for me to directly hold on to and then leaves the entire roll for me just in case. WTF?

She says it's cause of the cat getting on things... but then why not just wipe down the table? One napkin could probably accomplish that. She's the only person I know more neurotic than a cat.

God Bless... I love the woman but I'm not sure how much longer we can live together!

I mean, I like the lunches, the dinners, the breakfasts, etc... but just once I'd like to open my lunch and not have to tear thru duct tape, aluminum foil, and napkins in between every layer of packaging.

Getting to my lunch is embarrassing to say the least. I have to endure comments about, "nice duct tape" and "got enough napkins". Sheeesh. And this is a whole other story, but 99% of the time when I get to down thru the layers of plastics and napkins I find a lunch with brown rotted lettuce! I mean why the protective layers if you're just going to poison me?

Holy crap... I need to learn patience.

Too 'Hoff' to Handle!

2006-07-07T15:54:00.000-05:00

This isn't exactly the Hip Hop Hoff I was expecting to hear... I'm guessing that's still to come out... but this is definitly not nothing...

and, as if that wasn't enough of The Hoff... here's some more!

I Nearly Pee'd my Pantaloons

2006-07-05T14:21:00.000-05:00

I don't know how i missed this... but appearantly Ice-T is to produce David Hasselhoff's first hip-hop album. "He's gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff". This is no lie.

I have tears coming from my eyes as I type this post... this is the happiest day of my life. I just know this will be the greatest thing to happen to hip-hop. Is there nothing the Hoff can't do?

This is better than when Steven Seagal was doing an album with Wyclef.

(Mocked up image is thanks to domkultur.de. Seems they are the "Das Portal fuer moderne Popkultur" in Deutschland. I think that needs no translation.)

Kip, out.

People Need to Cut this Out!

2006-07-05T10:12:00.000-05:00

People are always trying to bash David Hasselhoff. He's a drunk, he beats his wife. Cut that out! He's freakin Mitch Buchannon! Remember that. He's Michael Knight. Write it down! He is a good guy... a Hero! He helped bring down the Berlin Wall!!!

Look at this attempt at bashing the great David Hasselhoff!

"The All England Club has denied press reports that a "drunken" David Hasselhoff had to be removed from the Wimbledon tennis championships.

DENIED! In your face, Hassel-Haters! He was just lost looking for "Court 13". Could happen to any one. I know, The D-Meister should have called KITT (Knight Industries Two Thousand) on his watch communicator device but maybe he left it at home. That gay voice would irritate any one after awhile. Why fvck up Wimbledon tennis championships with a gay robot voice in a 1980's Pontiac?

Anyway, God Bless David Hasselhoff!

Kip, out.

Mom and Sudoku

2006-06-29T23:20:00.000-05:00

Mom has been playing Sudoku in a Sudoku book I got her for her bday. I think she'll be a real competitor soon. I better hone my skills. It's cool if she makes stew or tostadas better than me... but Sudoku? I just can't allow that.

Who is Eugene Kip Whitiker?

2006-06-28T13:40:00.000-05:00

My friends have told me I should post a little about myself to help boost readership of my blog. Whatever, I'm just doing this to learn about blogging.

So here's the deal with me:

I'm a single available batchlor living in Chi-town. I'm in my early 30's, have a cat and mom that live with me. No I don't live wth my mom... she lives with me! I'm into grilling, bike riding, playing star craft, and any movie, tv show, or song with David Hasselhoff. He's pretty much my idol. God bless knight rider.

I have a hand full of people that ar regulars in my life. Here's the low down on them:

DJ Red Rover (aka Fat Cakes) - This guy. Let me tell you... guy is a scientist by day and DJ by night. There is too much to tell about this guy so I'll leave it for future posts. One thing I will say... he may have smoked too many tweeds.

Joe Joe - This guy's got tha skillz. Ladies drop there panties when he walks in the room. Total ladies man. He's learned a lot from me.

Juan Hernandez - This is a white guy. Does kung fu. Crashed his motor cycle. you know. tough guy.

Cee Los - Nice guy. Nice car. 'nuff said.

D-Dizzle Roa - Peter Rican from NY whose got all the jokes.

Melibea Garcia - One tough cookie. Technically my assistant. Looks super cute but don't mess with her. Sometimes we go for bike rides outside of work. Well, we start out going for bike rides... then she just halls ass Lance Mono-Nut Armstrong style and I am basically riding on my own after that. I aspire to one day make her my woman. she aspires to give me grief.

There are others... but those are the main players on the day to day. I got some office workers that will definitly need mentioning... but not right now. I'm working.

Mom's Bday

2006-06-28T13:32:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was my mom's bday. it was cool. I bought her a sudoku book. she made leftovers.

Guys at work ripped on me for not taking her out to eat... but we had leftovers. WTF was I supposed to do?

I'm gonna buy her a polish sausage today.

Welcome to The Hous of Kip!

2006-06-28T13:18:00.000-05:00

This is a test by the Kipmeister!

Yeah, that's right ladies... look out.